33. Entering your 'Villain Era', It's not what you think

Limitless Podcast —Episode 33— Villain Era 

Cruella de Vil has nothing on us, or maybe we should learn a thing or two from her. If you've been on TikTok lately, you've likely come across the term “villain era”. But just because it has the word villain doesn't mean that it's as dark or ominous as the name might suggest. Today on the Limitless Podcast, Jamie Ratermann explains why entering this new era might be the best thing for you.   

Episode’s Highlights: 

• Why it's a problem is when we start disregarding our own needs and continue to people please.

• A shift in a person's priorities can make you see things differently. 

• Feeling exhausted from keeping up with the pressure. 

• What you can do to shift your priorities.

Resources: 

Are you looking to build a thriving business built on a strong brand message, money-making offers, and a resilient, growth mindset? Join the Marketing Mastery waitlist: https://www.jamieratermann.com/marketing-mastery

Launch with certainty and excitement with this new free training! This mini-course includes 15 minutes of coaching, my 7-point launch planning guide, and a workbook to start planning your next launch: https://jamieratermann.com/how-to-launch-a-new-offer-social-media

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Have any questions or want to leave a suggestion? Come say hi on the 'gram. Have questions about my coaching or takeaways from the episode: DM me @jamieratermann or contact me on my website!

Thanks for listening! Stay tuned to my website for more episode updates and other exciting programs and resources.

Transcript

Jamie Ratermann  0:03  

Being limitless is knowing your success and your growth are built on a radical belief in yourself. Limitless is honoring your purpose, your health, and impact above all else. Limitless is never playing small because the more alive you feel in your life, the more growth and success you attract. Hi, my name is Jamie Ratterman and I am a Holistic business coach, meaning I am just as invested in growing your health as I am and growing your wealth. With 11 plus years and brand social media marketing, I help rebellious entrepreneurs master marketing and body leadership and say fuck it to the hustle. This show is here to encourage you to become more radically aware of your self-imposed limits, to break free of your shoulds and to expand your brand into a movement led by you. Hello lovelies, welcome to episode 33 of the limitless podcast, today is an episode of kind of fun to talk about. I was trying to decide what would be the topic I wanted to talk about for episode 33 The number 33 is kind of a number that's like kind of hovered around me in my life like for all my angel numbers, and numerology ladies, I know that that this is something that you might be like leaning into it in general 33 is special to me because according to numerology is when you see it a lot it means that you are working through stages to grow into the person you want to be or are meant to be usually can mean something along the lines of like you're finding your wisdom, you're finding your worthiness. So I always love the number 33 Like when I was younger, I was 33 on the basketball team and volleyball so when I came around to Episode 33 Today, I was like, what is it that I want to talk about? So today we're going to talk about entering your villain era. I love this episode so much for anyone who gets to watch this on video, I decided to go with a red lip because I'm empowering myself to feel like that villain that villainous. But really, what's funny about it is that while it's going to sound harsh or too drastic, it's actually really about how sometimes for all of us who may have been beat but people pleasers perfectionist, how we might need to kind of morph into a villain version of ourselves to start to stick up for ourselves, I'll talk a lot more about it. But a part of this is really knowing that sometimes when it comes to running your own business, deciding to run the life or lead the life that you want to, it takes a little bit of really good. It takes a little bit of identity shifting, it takes a little bit of energy shifting. So the visionary is just a really fun way to say that but even to I want to just remind you all that I am in the middle of my marketing mastery launch, which is all about money making offers messaging and then of course

Jamie Ratermann  2:51  

being able to have the mindset to create a resilient and growing business but I think just by definition becoming an entrepreneur leaning into your passion your purpose to make money makes you a little bit of a villain you're doing something different than what everyone else does. You are you know becoming a corporate dropout and dropping out on it. But in general this is my signature offer for any of you who are deciding okay, it's time for me to build wealth around my passions my purpose my in all that I want to do is to take a look in the show notes you can see if this is a great fit for you. It is a 10 week program starting very very soon. So take a look. But let's get into this so entering the villain era so the first thing that comes up for me when I even say the word villain, I'm gonna out myself here a little bit where I tell you that I am a Marvel fiend I enjoy it. So whenever I think of villain, I absolutely think of a good Loki moment, Tom Hiddleston if you hear me, like being able to know that, like, how can I really see myself in a way that allows me to kind of not play nice. That's the idea not playing nice. So for people pleasers doing what's best for you can feel really rebellious, rebellious can feel like you are deciding to choose conflict sometimes can make you feel as if like you are just like releasing the nice girl in a lot of ways and to really get in the mode the shift of that it can feel like a villainous act, it can feel like you are you know, doing your version of evil by ignoring a phone call. By doing only what asked by deciding that you don't actually want to go out you want to stay in because you enjoy that and it can just feel like by definition we've always wanted to please others be nice to others. By making that shift can make us feel like we're a bit of a villain and how we can release that. So knowing that a big part of this and what's an What was the inspiration behind this is that I had a longer conversation the other day with one of my VIP one on one clients, talking about like how she has been shifting her identity and how it's been making her feel to A little bit off. And like her parents are looking at her a little differently her her friend groups looking at her a little bit differently. But she's feeling more and more like herself, she's feeling more and more and who she is. And I, the best way I could describe it was something I'd seen on Tik Tok something that that, if you take a quick Google search of Villanelle, you're gonna see a lot of things popping up. And but of course, on tick tock is just showing, it's showing that people pleasers are taking back their lives in some way and knowing that they are playing to what they want. So whenever we're talking about really releasing this identity, being able to lean into what we want, that may not be something that everyone else wants for us, it's because we're releasing years and years of patterns, you know, what, what we know was accepted by our parents what was accepted by our current group of friends, when generally what is what the community would say, oh, yeah, she's one of us. And now we're designing Well, I don't need to belong, I want to be more of who I am, that's being able to, you know, really break that down. And even more, I think there's a lot of messenger you're gonna see on the internet, when we're talking about building a personal brand. And you'll hear this, people saying, be more of who you are, you've heard me even say it, because it's really hard to describe because each of us are a little bit different. But what it really means is, for many of us, we have lived our lives within the limits, we've lived our life between the lines. So knowing that, whenever I am encouraging you to take on this alter ego of your villain self, it's being able to, you know, decide that we aren't living our lives for others, we aren't let we are deciding we're living good lives, based off of our own standards, based off of what empowers us inspires us, makes us feel whole. So without that it can feel like we're trapped, it can feel like something is just missing. And then when someone decides to tell you more of who you are, it's like, what are you doing right now in this moment, are right now this week, this month, that doesn't align with like, who you want to become who you are, and even the type of leader you want to be. So we and a big part of this is is knowing that we've we enjoy our lives doesn't mean that by not being this villain alter ego that you're not enjoying where you're at, it's just knowing that right now is where we want you to let your inner voice be a little bit louder, we continuously quiet that inner voice saying like, Well, I would rather do that. But I guess we'll do this, I guess we'll do what all of my friends wanted to do. Or I would rather be a little bit bolder, but you know what, I'm not going to create any ripples or any waves, so I want to stay the same. That is what that inner voice like listening more into that inner voice that inner child will get, we'll get into that a little bit, to be able to kind of walk away from what's accepted or what might be considered quote unquote safe, and be able to really decide where we're headed. So by definition, let's just break it down by definition entregar Ville and era is about letting the weight of your desires and needs be much more important than the the opinions of others around you. The villain era isn't this dark or ominous idea it is.

Jamie Ratermann  8:26  

It is sincerely referring to just a shift in your own priorities. So rejecting any societal limits that tell you you have to play nice, or you have to give up your wants or needs for others. So you're gonna see this you've in general, you've already seen a lot of this all around us. So who's heard of quiet quitting? It's so funny when I ever heard of this this term quiet quitting work within the corporate realm as the first thing that came up for me was weight that just means doing your job. But I can remember from my corporate days, like bringing me back to the brink of with a hustle episode of How I would overwork how I tried to push and show that I was so valuable and how I would was hoping that by doing this that I would be a more valued respected employee but quiet quitting is realizing that pushing ourselves burning ourselves out create like just like going going going has not produced what we hoped it would and we don't want to feel more valued in our lives that might meet that means just doing what's asked a means not having to be an A plus student but being okay with an A minus or B plus effort for the fact that we get our work done and it's done well so that we can enjoy our life so the quiet quitting trend is definitely one of them and another way this might look is saying no to going out when you want to night in now I know there's like this FOMO the all of the all of these aspects that are out there where if you get told like oh, you want to come on a trip with us or Oh, like I like we're all going on this retreat together. We're all we're all going out to this bar tonight. Or you've just decided like hi, all my friends are there. I'm sure there'll be some some kind of fun but my body is telling me right now that I want to pop some popcorn and watch movies I want to say no. Now these all seem like really simple right. But for my people pleasers I know that you're going like always feels so weird to say no to somebody, but always feels like I'm, I'm not being like the person that they want me to be or love me to be if I say no. So being able to say no is might be a very rebellious act for you to help. If you decided to share this episode tell me saying no. A rebellious act for you that can be a part of it. Another way that you might be entering your villain era is turning on your Do Not Disturb or ignoring a phone call. The might for me that was a big stage in the last six years is that when I decided to turn on a do not disturb or in general know that I didn't have to answer every single call that came to me. Oh my gosh, at first I was like, What must they think of me? What must they like if I can't answer and I'm not available to my friends, am I a good friend, or my good daughter or my good sister. Like there's all of those things that came up. But knowing that like that's a part of current culture that we always have to be available. But for me being being villainous, like I want to make sure I spend my time and the way I want to, which means I want to call someone back when it's convenient for me. So that can be a part of it. Like in general posting a strong opinion, if there's something that is out there on social media that's grinding your gears that you're just like, Ah, I'm so sick of seeing these things. This is where posting a strong opinion. Like, again, like I want to use Loki as an example. Like, we all if for any of my Marvel people, you know that he's he's not a quiet, he's not a quiet person. He he likes to say what he thinks he likes to share what's good for him, like, he's not worried about how how it's going to affect others, because his priority is really honing what he wants for himself. So that when we're talking about this villain era, yeah, you're gonna say that thing that no one else wants to say you're gonna say the, you know, fiery, juicy, whatever term you want to say, that may not align with everybody, but is the way in which you run your business. So that can be these are all just versions of what it means to be entering your villain era. But within that you want to, I want to kind of get into relationships here, you if you're, if you're in your villain area, you're confronting people who are manipulating or continuously pushing your boundaries. I have a whole thing when I when I talk about boundaries, but boundaries are simply a way in which once you set them, you have to reiterate them. So there's no shying away from conflict, when you're releasing this people

Jamie Ratermann  12:53  

pleaser identity and entering this villain version of yourself, right? This means going on vacation when your bank accounts when your time on your calendar doesn't make sense because you know, you need it. It's like taking a nap when you could be doing something else, all of these ways that you can do it. But of course, the biggest one I know and for many of you who are new to entrepreneurship or want to be considering it, starting a business can be your way of going like I'm betting on myself, like I may not have the support around me but I'm gonna do this like that is that is being a villain that is entering your villain era leaving the safety of a corporate job where you, you know, you know exactly how things are going to go, you know, your pay is kept you know exactly what's going to happen, that that while that might feel safe, you're betting on yourself, you're knowing that you have you're so motivated by the impact you want to make in the world. Yes, being an entrepreneur can feel quote unquote villainous in comparison to what society tells us is appropriate. So these are just me just giving you all of the examples because I want I want to de stigmatize I know villain makes you all think of Cruella de Vil, the cabal of these awful people, but when in reality, it's allowing you to engage with that rebellious Alpha view, it's allowing you to just take it to a whole new level. So that if you right now have been having trouble with any of these things, saying no ignoring call posting a strong opinion, telling someone that you're holding your boundaries, handling a conflict, giving you time to yourself, starting that business. This is where I'm going to encourage you to decide, okay, you know what, it's time it's time for me to bet on myself. I know that I can do it and I know that it's going to cause some friction, but in reality, it's going to boost how I see myself and I want to continue I want to continue I want to keep building. So that is what essentially is being a villain now go no goes through politics. Not trying to get all motivated, because there's some really, like, you know, sultry, like, some sexy some, some guys like, where's it going like entering your villain era what and what it means each person and I really want to encourage you to do that. But this is these are the kinds of things that I want you to think about for my people who are ready to just like break through this identity and become more of themselves. First is let's talk about boundaries. Let's talk about setting boundaries. And what that means. So whenever we're talking about boundaries is usually a couple of things that come up, of course, time boundaries, you know, relationship boundaries. And then of course, like your own self imposed boundaries, being able to see if you're sabotaging yourself in the grand scheme of things. So boundaries can be such a villainous, rebellious act for the fact that especially with the way in which we're available, through slack, through Instagram, through email, is being able to say I'm not answering somebody, or I'm not going to be available to someone until I'm primed and ready to do so. Like when I get an email that says, like, oh, I would love your response on this, and I go, I'm not going to respond to that until I finish this task. Of course, there's something that goes on in my nervous system that goes like, but I'm not being available. I should be nice, it should be doing those things. But the other side of me goes, Oh, I finished my entire content calendar for the month. And now I can answer this, knowing that like I did the thing that I was devoted to myself about first before giving myself to someone else. So in this sense, or the way in which I would want I would want the conversation around becoming this new identity is if you set a boundary, you stick with it, if you set a boundary, you know that these things could cause a little bit of friction for others, but you know that you are growing because of it. When the do not disturb? Oh, the Do Not Disturb is the best, the best thing. So I realized that when I decided to do my own business that I didn't have Do Not Disturb on I would answer calls from family for friends. All day long, I would answer texts all day long. And then at the end of the day, I would have that moment go on, what did I get done? Oh my gosh, I mean, I need to go back to corporate so I so that I actually do things within the time that I want.

Jamie Ratermann  17:23  

But in reality, it was literally setting a boundary that if someone calls me between the hours of nine to five, they may not get an answer. They may like I I've even had to like train some people like you text me. And I'll let you know if I'm available. Because I'm running a business. I couldn't answer calls all day long. If I was in an office setting if I was in my cubicle and corporate life, so being able to set some a simple boundary, like the Do Not Disturb is huge. Now, again, I just want to keep going back I there's conflict in this, there's there's a side that I will get a textbook, you always have your Do Not Disturb on you, like you're always Are you really always this busy. And I go like well, even if I'm not like I like like, I don't have to be available to be valuable. I'm available when I when I decided that I am. So this, this idea. And I think we could have a whole episode around boundaries. But if we're talking about entering your Villanelle and loving and being able to make this identity shift, it's me encouraging you to set these boundaries and stick to them. The boundary itself is never the problem it's sticking with it is knowing that of somebody who is your close friend that if she's breaking your boundary, that you reestablish it, that you have to continue to go this is how I would like to be treated. This is you are responsible for, for keeping that boundary and making sure that people are clear of why you decided to have it. So I've had clients before who were friends, college friends, high school friends, and so they had my text phone number, but they also like I use Voxer or I use a Facebook group to continue to talk to them. And I had to reset that container all the time. They text me about something that was happening in like our coaching container. And I said this is this is our friend area, if you want to go ahead and go over to Voxer and leave it there and I'll get to it when I can so like being able to know that like a part of this is reclaiming over and over again that you have a boundary and why you stick with it. Even if conflict comes up along the way. A second thing with when it comes to releasing that people pleaser identity is you know letting your opinion be the loudest. Making sure that like with letting your opinion be the loudest honestly just means that you trust yourself more than you trust the people around you more than you trust the random person that leaves a comment on your Instagram posts that were The random person who decides to unsubscribe from you, being able to decide that your opinion is the loudest is going, Okay, I know that I am wise, I am worthy, I give, and I share, I share things that are going to be so useful to others. So for me, letting your opinion be the loudest is really doing two important things, knowing who is on your board of directors externally, and internally. So

Jamie Ratermann  20:30  

I'm sure we've said that I've said this before, but we've heard the statistics around accountability, the five people you surround yourself with, really proves to be who you are now. But this is important for the fact that Do you know who your five people are that you would go to do you know, you're the five people who you would lean into for support depending on what what the problem is. So for me, like as a coach, and I want to lean into the, like the mastermind that like I pay for, that I participate in, I'm going to lean into my accountability buddies, I want to lean into people who see the journey that I've gone to gone through to build the business that I have now. And a part of that is the fact that like, in this moment, I can't go to people who've never been an entrepreneur before. Like that, they're not going to give me the advice based off of how this stuff works. Like Like, for instance, my brother is a fantastic salesman. But I, if I called him about talking about selling coaching programs is something he's never done before. So I so like being able to know whose opinion holds the most weight is an important part of it is that they're in your arena, they're in your arena. But still, you're allowed to get advice from heck for me, and still does go, You know what, I'm just gonna do it my way, I want to do it my way and letting your opinion always be the loudest, it gets rid of uncertainty, it gets rid of worrying about like, if you did it the other way, like it helps you just simply be decisive. But within that, if we know we have our external board of directors, our internal board of directors is just as important. So this is a favorite thing of mine, when I we talk a lot about this in Marketing Mastery, but also within within my mastermind about who is who is allowed to tell you or critique you, internally, who was a part of that, right? So right now I guarantee you have an inner critic, everyone says they do. Everyone knows that there's an inner critic that tells them what they should be doing. Or they could have done it better, or they should be more productive that that inner critic loves to tell you what it is, I encourage you to name them. So you can tell them this Shut up all the time. It's really helpful. But she can't be the only person on your board. Like how, like how awful is that? What about what about having somebody who is like the abundant version of you? What about somebody who's the wise version of you. So leaning into the fact that right now if your internal board of directors is just your inner critic telling you about your shortcomings, this is one really important way so that you can let your opinion be the loudest. So my board of directors I also have a fantastic meditation that I had found online and it was it was being able to find your strong selves. Find your y self and find your goddess self. So your y self is somebody who is yours in the future and just knows how everything plays out your strong self is someone who's your protector someone who keeps you safe and knows like you're capable always underground itself is that spiritual version of you that believes in your believes you all along the way. So I didn't realize this. It's all kind of falling in together perfectly but the character Thor is one of my internal board of directors. He's strong, safe character. He's the person that goes oh, we've got this like, I like you know what even if this doesn't work out, we'll do the next thing we've got this like like, like being able to say that I'm always safe I create safety within it. But you know if I'm thinking about who's who was trying to tell Helen Helen is my my inner critic who's trying to Helen that like Hey, back off, we're safe. We're okay. That's Thor.

Jamie Ratermann  24:20  

And then I have like, the goddess version of the wise version of myself is like me in different outfits. That's That's how I see it. But the biggest thing is the more I've been able to develop this the more I've been able to not only see that my inner critic is is there for for you know, giving me some guidance, but also having these other louder voices. I know that I believe in myself, I know that I'm wise enough to get to where I need to go and I know I'm always safe. So if you right now, seek other people's opinions before you make decisions for everything or for a lot of things or in general, someone who would ever tell you that you're not decisive, this is where you are entering your beloved era. So one small way you can start to do this is declaring what you want and what you don't want. I think like, whenever it's for some reason going out is the first thing that comes to mind when someone's like, oh, where would you like to go tonight be like, I don't want to go out for sushi, that can be one of that small rebellious act, because you know, you don't want that you're not going to go along the lines of that. Or if someone says, I have to meet at, let's meet at five o'clock, and you go like, I need until 530. Like, just knowing that, like, if you just continue to decide what's best for you, that your voice is like, okay, she actually follows through for what she needs, and you're owning up to who you are and what your needs are. So letting her opinion be the loudest helps you become more decisive. Use the internal and external board of directors to get you there. The next thing branches off on that. The next thing branches off on, on allowing an understanding, hate or culture, understanding what might be preventing you from sharing the thing or sharing, like, your own brilliant self. Like the next thing, the next part of the year is deciding that like, like who you allowed to, in general, share their opinions and feedback. So usually, when I have a client who's starting to get a lot more reach a lot more views, the big question that comes around as the haters, how do I handle the haters? How do I? How do I navigate the world of the haters? So part of this is knowing that the bigger the impact you want to make, the bigger the purposes, the more you know, out of character or out of what's what's considered the norm that you are sharing, you're going to have people that want to keep you in your place, they're going to want to keep you where you are. And sometimes that can be people you don't know, some random, anonymous person on the internet that can also sometimes be people who have known you forever. And would rather you stay where you're at, because it makes them comfortable. To talk. I talked a lot about this in episode one of like, What is relationship limits that can come up along the way. But here's the thing is that whenever we are releasing old parts of our identity, there's going to be people that want to keep you where you're at, because, again, like I said, makes them uncomfortable, but you are uncomfortable. So this is something that like I kind of talked about when it comes to comfort zone specifics. Like whenever you're creating content that keeps everyone comfortable, you're the one that's uncomfortable, like comfort zones or for others. Usually you're uncomfortable in the comfort zone. That's why we try to break free of it, we try to release that we want to go to the next level.

Jamie Ratermann  27:53  

So this is where I would encourage you if you want to pause the episode here and go what what is grinding your gears right now? What are things that you don't like that are considered the norm or considered the way things should be? Like I think one of my more controversial pieces here is that I'm going to tell you over and over again that you control how social media makes you feel. And like a lot of people are going like no, the algorithms aren't there because the victim to what they are, I will tell you that is a lazy way of looking at things that drives me insane that we the algorithm chooses how we interact by based off of what we do. And I know that people are going to disagree with me on that. I'm also going to say that for anyone out there that only teaches energetics within their business is is creating an unkind vicious cycle without having some strategy and some routine to it. Because it's just absolutely making like the leader have to feel like they have to be joyous every single day or they have to be on point or clear every single day like I will like it's funny, sometimes I'll like post something and I'll see a coach that posted the exact opposite thing of me. And that's why this is important is that if you are trying to stay in the status quo, if you are trying not to ruffle any feathers, you aren't allowing yourself to be seen for what you want to do and what you want to support for others, like like you are by being a cookie cutter creator or cookie cutter leader or cookie cutter entrepreneur, you are deciding that you are just sitting in the crowd when someone's asked me how they can stand out this is the number one thing like what do you like and what do you hate about your industry? Or what do you like what do you hate about the way people live their lives right now? And how do you want to improve that? All of that can be a part of it. So when he is an example I had a client who was talking about how breakups can be a breakups and relationships. She's a relationship coach, like how they can act Should be really strong soil to find out who you are and how you want to love yourself for the next relationship. And oh my gosh, she had so many people in her DMs going like you're clearly not in a good relationship. If this is how you feel about it, there was somebody else in the in the, in the comments saying, like, Oh, so you just are so you're the one that breaks up with people clearly lately like they were they you could see that these quote unquote haters were triggered. Triggers are usually like allowing someone to see themselves and they maybe don't like the way they see themselves whenever someone gives them that information. So instead of us looking at, you know how this how this message was receiving some critical feedback, some negative feedback, we decided instead to take a look and create a bit of some rules. So this is like my little quick guide to how to handle the haters, when you're ready to start sharing your, let's say, triggering or controversial opinions about things is that you want to encourage feedback in general. But if feedback comes with name calling or feedback comes with, like, like somebody deciding to make a depiction of who you are off of one post, you're allowed to block them. So for every person that was in her comment section that said, I don't like I don't like this, like, my breakup was was absolutely awful to me. She goes to respond to that. Be able to say like, I know breakups can be hard, but like, what do you think you've learned in the process and like that can turn into a really fruitful discussion, versus you're a hack, you suck, I don't like it, this is absolutely should information, then that's where she gets to go like, well, they're not wanting to encourage a conversation here, we're gonna block them because I'm allowed to create this space. And this is exactly what this is. You can identify the people that are allowed, allowed to give their feedback to you.

Jamie Ratermann  32:03  

It's better, like, especially if you feel like you're keep running into someone that wants to that's holding you back. Like somebody like if you're ready to be your bullet self vote, you have that one friend over and over again, like don't do that, that like that. It'll be weird. Or you have that one. Commenter that just was like, I don't like the way you do things like you, you're allowed to cut those people have no life or have that hard discussion saying I'm not available for your feedback, when it's not supportive to me, I'm not available to make you feel comfortable. While I'm uncomfortable, is the idea. So the villain era is, yeah, there's gonna be conflict. But this is also where you get to set the rules of who's allowed to be surrounded by you who are your who's that crowd that's going to support you. But also, making sure that you don't shy away from the people that seem to hold you back, tell you that it's not worth it. I can tell you over and over again, this is usually comes up with pricing. So I'll have an entrepreneur who will create an offer. And we'll we'll work through pricing. And I'll say, Okay, so where are you wanting to put it at? And maybe they decided, okay, I want to charge $1,200 for this. And it's the first time they've tried something like over over three figures for any of things, anything of what they're doing. And the first thing is like, people aren't going to buy this. And then I go Who Who are you talking to like who's telling you that no one's gonna buy this. Sometimes it's just something they create in their own minds, but they're like, Oh, I, I shared it with my friend who like, has never made a purchase like this in herself before. And she says that it's like way too much money. And if she would never buy it, that's a telling sign. That's a telling sign that that's where like, hey, like if all they're doing is criticizing you because it's not something they would do for themselves. This is where you want to, I want to encourage you to walk into conflict and say, Hey, I'm doing something and I only want people who are here to support me along the way. And these comments aren't helping me. These comments are actually stunting my growth and provide and, and preventing me from taking my next big bold step. So reading through those really important pieces, right really important of what it means to be this rebellious, villainous version of yourself. The next piece is choosing joy and embracing your weird. Yes, choosing joy and embracing your weird bit. choosing joy is a rebellious act. If you pay attention to your day to day world, you will find that people love to talk about the negative. People love to talk about what they don't have or what they don't want. They don't have time for with it. I have money for this. The people who constantly watch the news, the people who are telling just over and over saying like choosing to see the positive side of things is a very honest and rebellious act. Like I, it's funny because the more than which I have really engaged in my own growth mindset, my own positive mindset, I will help people like, you always see the silver lining of things, you always see the positive side of things. And it's like, I made the choice to over and over again, decide that I was going to choose joy. Like when it was funny, the other day, I posted something with my friend, guest coach, we were posting something on Instagram, and the collaborator function didn't work, and I couldn't fix it afterwards. And instead of going like, Ah, this cool, technology suck, like we like I had, like I said, of going there. I decided instead to go just laugh, like, technology is never going to work perfectly. And I and I did that on my choice. I just joined know that like, this isn't gonna kill me, this isn't gonna kill this post. It was just like, it didn't go as planned. So like, whenever I'm talking about choosing joy, I know there's like, oh, like there's a there's a collective eyeroll like, oh, yeah, choose joy. But there's more negative conversations going on in the world and there are positive. So it is a rebellious act to be able to see the silver lining the positive side of things. And within that, this is where you take a good moment, a good look at how you not You're not embracing how you want to enter into the world, how you want to, in general, be seen like and like, let me take this a step back. Like being able to be seen in the world, how you would like to be. So an easy way or an easy example of this is like, are you wearing clothes, makeup, your hair

Jamie Ratermann  36:47  

in a way that keeps others comfortable? But you've been dying to try something new? You've been dying to try the lipstick. You've been dying to try this really crazy mermaid unicorn color coat that you love, like being able to be like, Okay, what makes me like, How can I just fully embrace my quirks? How can I fully embrace what I love and I don't have examples of people doing it around me, or I don't have examples of my friends doing it. Sometimes I'd like this will be for me, it's always close. I think that gets to be my first courageous piece as I will decide to wear something that I don't think my friends are wearing. I don't think that my like, like other people are wearing like i i got a pair of like Converse high tops that are all black. And I thought that that was crazy, because I know none of my friends had Converse at the time. Everyone was wearing heels and, and flats. And that allowed me to say that okay, I'm gonna do this. My red lipstick colors like, never wore that I never wore this six years ago. Like even like a deep bold lip was like it was an absolute rebellious act. And I can tell you even now when I go home to Ohio, like I might be the only one wearing a deep red lip from time to time. But that allows me to just like be like, I'm embracing my weird. I'm embracing what's normal for me. Now. Weird gets to be defined in different ways. Like somebody who was always living loud. What made tell me like those two examples aren't that weird, but someone who has always stayed in the lines may go like, that's really crazy. Why are you doing that? So really what this is, is an I love this one in particular, this, like key to being more of the villain here is that like, take take these little rebellious steps of what makes you just feel more alive. Like there's, there's going to be the initial Oh no, like, what are people going to think? Or Oh no, I'm going to stand out or Oh, no, this is really out of character for me. But then you do it again, or someone gives you one compliment or like like, it turns out and no one really cares. And then when you do it again and again, it allows you just to enjoy the growth that being more of yourself can can create in the world. This last one is a really important one and I at the time of this recording and it actually is Mental Health Awareness Day, which I think was I think it's really important here is that a part of this villain era part of releasing a people pleaser a part of really trying to not worry about as perfectionism is an to heal your relationship with your inner child. Now we've heard this I'm sure you've heard this before if you've been thinking about what it means to heal and what and what it means to show up the way you want to but heal your your relationship with your inner child is finding let me I'll get a little bit vulnerable here is like being able to find out who you were as a kid And when you may have a bit abandoned her, when you may have abandoned that version of yourself. So I can tell you, when I was from Heck, I was called a little shit. When I was from ages two to five, I was mischievious. For sure. I wouldn't be getting into my step grandpa's candy by like putting a chair on a book and getting to the top shelf. I was somebody who like, I would absolutely say that I would get my hands into the wrong things. Right. And, and I and I was, and that's a part of, that's a part of me, I'm always curious, that's a part of what it is. But, you know, because of what, like school and because of different different parts of what's considered normal as a growing kid, I was told not to do that, or I wasn't allowed to do that. Or to get out of there. Like you're like those things like you're causing a scene, right? And I had, and I know that and I can remember those moments where I decided to tamp down that mischievious rebellious side of me and decide, okay, to be a good girl or to be somebody that is appreciated. I must not create a ripple. I think like really like ripple effect. Creating ruffling some feathers is something that I have shied away, I've shy away from something, I'm always like pushing myself like this, we're not we're gonna allow ourselves to ruffle some feathers. But I did that when I was a kid, I

Jamie Ratermann  41:30  

ruffle feathers all the time, I loved it. I chose joy, that's for sure. That's for sure. So whenever we're talking about like healing this relationship with our inner child, it's also abandoning some bullshit about what it means to be a good adult. Like I, I vehemently believe that the older we get, the more fun we should be having. The older we get, like, it's like, we don't have to just become, you know, statues of what it means to be professional, and adults. Like, like, wiser with age like I like I don't like this stuff. And so So like, for me, like I even even to I ended up I had a client who recently had her birthday. And she was like, I don't want to feel like I'm getting old, I'm turning 30. But I don't want to, I don't want it to feel like I'm getting old. And like I don't ever say I'm getting old, I say I'm getting wiser, and a little fun. Or I'm getting a little bit wiser, a little sexier. That's usually when I say happy birthday, I can't wait for your next year of getting wiser and sexier. It doesn't mean that it has been old, oh my gosh, or even to the comparisons of millennials and Gen X or Gen X look at the comparison of millennials versus Gen Z. Like I will to the end of the day, at the end of the day want to always be this lifelong student, I don't want to allow myself just to be like, okay, to be accepted to be considered a good adult, I must act like my teachers or professors are the people that I had in my past. For me, my version of what I what, what it means to heal your inner child and be able to do things that bring you more joy is to do the things you love to do as a kid. For me that experiment recently was to go on the swings. Like I said it out loud to a mentor of mine. I'm like, I think I'm gonna try to find some swings. They used to like love to swing when I was a kid. And like I would I would I would never give up the swing. Because I like for the kids that were waiting in line. Like I wanted to do it. And she's like, Okay, well go ahead and go find some swings. Like, let's let's do it. And I thought to myself, I don't think there's any swings around here. I've never seen any swings in my general vicinity. Can you believe it? As soon as I thought it as soon as I knew I wanted it. There's literally five swing sets that are that are most of the time they get just around me. And me as a 3030 33 year old adult, getting on that swing feels like a rebellious act. But I'm like I go on my morning walk and I go on the swing. And I'm like, who's looking at me? What do they think I should be getting on the computer to do some work. Like I and I'm like thinking to myself, like why like this is what I love to do as a kid and it's almost like I'm hugging young Jamie right hugging young Jamie and doing what she wished I would have done. So it's usually when your inner child is usually telling you what you really want and by doing that thing can be your version of starting to heal her. Your you understanding what what created to where you're at right now can be a big deal. But I absolutely I always have this kind of like vision in my head. Whenever I'm when someone talks about healing your inner child or healing your inner teenager for that matter. Is you showing the love to yourself that you wished you had as a kid. And in this in this way, it can be something as simple as getting on the swings, it can be something as simple as doing something for yourself, that doesn't make sense to others. It can be also talking to somebody about like, what you don't didn't like about what the way they kind of treated you in that way. So this is where this last one gets to be a lot of fun. Instead of making this into this whole, like, I've got to heal my inner child, like be able to be like, What would my inner child like to do right now? What would I have loved to have done? At this time of day when I was three years old? And how can I do that, again, like allowing that to be just a simple way to get rebellious of what you're supposed to be doing versus what you actually desire and actually want to do. So for me being a villain entering your villain era, me and setting boundaries, it means letting your opinion be the loudest, and allowing you to become that decisive leader that you already are. It's about deciding who you allow to share opinions and feedback around you. It's about choosing joy and embracing you're weird even, and I swear it is a rebellious act and the way in which the world is so choosing that joy, then, of course, really reconnecting with what you loved as a kid and doing it every day in your adult life. I think that's a big part of it. So all of those five ways are way or how you can become a little more villainous, right, you get to be more of a villain.

Jamie Ratermann  46:31  

One important caveat. And I've talked about this a little bit in my own life. There's one important caveat here is that by doing this, you're going to find that when you make these identity shifts that it could cause grief. It can cause grief of you realizing that like the person that brought you to where you are now, like you wish she could have felt the joy that you're feeling or who you wish that she could have felt as strong as you do now. So I want to make it really clear that like, I like even for me, like releasing the overly masculine household version of myself, I had a full like feeling of grief, when I decided that I wanted more rest, or I decided that, like I knew I definitely knew my value instead of having to be at around productivity numbers. And I had like that moment of just like, why am I feeling weird emotionally right now, like, I should be feeling joyous and happy because I'm making these decisions for myself. But there, there was a sense of grief of, I'm no longer that person. And I would have missed that person because I know how I know how it feels. But I'm deciding that like to show her or to honor myself like I want to keep going. And there's even like a resentment piece like you just wish you always could be this rebellious villainous version of yourself. I'm not gonna join rebellious and still think I'm gonna take on like a villain. But there's a but the point here is you may wish you had lived your life this way. Once you start to do it, you may wait you may realize that this is lighter, this feels good this that when your opinion is the one that most matters. And the biggest key I want to make sure I really get across is that we are all growing human beings. So if you feel like you are in the process of really honoring yourself and become it and entering your own villain era, try not to resent your previous version of yourself, know that you made the best decisions for yourself in those moments. We all make the best decisions of what material or education or logic we have. So that person allows you to get to where you are, you're changing your identity. Understanding you cannot grow without the decisions of your past self. But this is where and this is why I love this Tik Tok trend is that once you decide that you're entering your millionaire you're you're you're deciding that you get to see the limitless version of yourself because you're going to feel it your nervous isn't going to know that you're showing up your trust is going to go through the roof. So know that wherever you're at in this process, is that your past self guide got you to where you are and we all deserve to be a little more villainous. Let me know afterwards day if you're deciding that you want to enter your villain era, or you wanting to do a small act of rebellious knows whatever feels direct to you DM me, tell me what you thought of this episode. I am so excited that I decided to choose this topic for episode 33 Because I can't wait to see a few more villains in my feed because I know that you will deserve every bit of care you show yourselves