76. Business Lessons I Learned From Planning My Wedding

Limitless Podcast —Episode 74 – Lead Generation with Content Marketing

 I am in the midst of planning my wedding, It’s exciting and it’s truly exhausting. The mental labor of not only planning a big event, feeling good about said planning, and living your life is not something to trifle with. These are the life and business lessons I’ve learned as I step into a new identity in my life.

Episode Highlights: 

• the way I do things causes others to lose their minds

• You can do anything but you can't do everything.

• Releasing business tactics that were never built for me.

Resources: 

Are you looking to build a thriving business with a strong brand message, money-making offers, and a resilient, growth mindset? Join the Marketing Mastery waitlist: https://www.jamieratermann.com/marketing-mastery

Try Sunsama: https://try.sunsama.com/jamie-ratermann 

Launch with certainty and excitement with this new free training! This mini-course includes 15 minutes of coaching, my 7-point launch planning guide, and a workbook to start planning your next launch: https://jamieratermann.com/how-to-launch-a-new-offer-social-media

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Read the Transcript: 

I am officially under 100 days until my wedding, my my big wedding. I've mentioned a few times on this podcast that I'm in the midst of planning, as you've heard me talk about, like going on a bridal shower and finding my veil and the dress all the things, but I thought I wanted, I thought it would be a good idea to take a moment to really kind of share what this process has taught me about myself, and being able to like, share a little bit about what I've noticed and what hopefully, the day that you decide to get married or maybe the next time you're planning a big event, you'll be able to take something from it. Being limitless is knowing your success and your growth are built on a radical belief in yourself. Limitless is honoring your purpose, your health and impact above all else. Limitless is never playing small because the more alive you feel in your life, the more growth and success you attract. Hi, my name is Jamie Ratterman. And I am a Holistic business coach. Meaning I am just as invested in growing your health as I am and growing your wealth. With 11 plus years and brand social media marketing, I help rebellious entrepreneurs master marketing and body leadership and say fuck it to the hustle. This show is here to encourage you to become more radically aware of your self imposed limits to break free of your shoulds and to expand your brand into a movement led by you. Hi lovelies, and welcome to another episode of the limitless podcast. This episode is something I wanted to share just because I'm going through it I am officially under 100 days until my wedding, my my big wedding. I've mentioned a few times on this podcast that I'm in the midst of planning it. So you've heard me talk about like going on a bridal shower, finding my van, the dress all the things, but I thought I wanted, I thought it would be a good idea to take a moment to really kind of share what this process has taught me about myself, and being able to like share a little bit about what I've noticed and what hopefully, the day that you decide to get married or maybe the next time you're planning a big event, you'll be able to take something from it. So the biggest thing about wedding planning is that it's exciting and it is truly exhausting. The mental labor of not only planning a big event, feeling good about what you're planning, and also living your life is something it's not an easy process, I can definitely tell you that. But before I begin to share what I've learned in this process so far, I think it's important for you to understand a little bit about my relationship, because the two of us are planning this right. So my fiance and I have been together for 10 and a half years we met in January of 2013. And in general I see him already as a life partner like it's, it's something that's really fun for me to really realize that he knew me from my very humble beginnings in New York, where I was worried about how much money I had in my account and got to see my business come to where I am now. He also is somebody like I also have been the person that has watched him go through nursing school has rekindled his love of art, even to we had a military deployment early on in our relationship. So we have had everything in between for the last decade of our time together, it feels like a lifetime. And knowing that like by having these events and having this length of a relationship, we're kind of walking into a wedding looking at it a little differently than maybe somebody who's been together for a year or two years. The idea being is that we're already partners, now we're ready to celebrate, then make it official, even though we've been official for a while, and being able to know I know him pretty damn well, especially when we're walking into these wedding planning situation. So in many ways, we knew we were going to be together about five years ago. And a lot of our relationship Fred has taught me that some of my expectations are Western culture expectations that do not make complete sense. For instance, I just want to put this out there. I have been in bridesmaid and seven weddings. I've feel like I'm even missing one when I say that number. So within that there's a lot of I've witnessed what kind of stress brides can go through, I've witnessed what happens with families, I've absolutely been a maid of honor and have told the mother of the bride that she's causing a lot of stress and to help us relax because we're honest, we're moving as fast as we can. I've been a part of the wedding day festivities and what's been going on for a lot of my friends. And I think that that has been really helpful. But within that Fred and I had been together for about three years. And I started to mention that you know whether we should have a proposal by now because a lot of the people or the like the relationships around me show that this this is the timeline you must be on if this person is serious about you. This is the timeline and how this happens. But I remember I still fully remember this conversation when I was saying you know what, like, do you want to propose me as are things that are going to happen and practically we weren't in the position to host a wedding there we were at three years it was it was I was not happy. In a corporate position he was trying to he was making a shift in what he wanted to do, he had just gotten back from deployment. And we like kind of like looked at each other. And we're like, I love you. And you're like, he's like, I love you, too. This isn't right for us right now. So I want to, I wanted to kind of give this understanding is that I am gifted or I'm privileged to be in a relationship where like, we are on the same, we are on the same mental wavelength, let's say, knowing exactly what is necessary and what we need. And that has been so helpful in this planning process. So I just wanted to first start there. 10 years is not for everybody, but it was for us. That's, that's the shortest way a shorter way of saying that. Either way, I start this episode by saying this because my relationship has taught me a lot about limits. And part of part of that is also why I started limitless is that I realized that I had one very specific vision of it. But I want you to understand that you get to decide what a strong romantic long lasting relationship looks like. Because that is a limit that we also put on ourselves, we the rom coms, all the things that are out there may not be helpful. But when intuitively, when you understand that you have your person, those things get to continue to develop over time. It was really important for me to say this, because I think as I talk about him, when I talk about wedding planning, I don't want there to be this idea that this is the way to do it. But I can definitely tell you that we've taken a very non traditional route. So Fred and I are going to get married in October, in Italy, which I'm really excited about, at a small ceremony in a place that is very special to us. So we went on a trip here, and we get to go back. Now what's even more exciting about this is that my fiancee is originally from West Africa. And we are going to be meeting or I'm going to be meeting some of his family for the very first time. Now I've met his mother, of course, but I have never met brothers and sisters. And the fact that we decided to do it in Italy allows me to meet them a little bit more easily. That was something I also learned getting visas, the fear from the US, you can get a visa pretty much very easily if you're from somewhere else, to go to other places. It's it's a lot. It's not it's not as easy, easy to move. So part of this is like really exciting for me to get to meet all these people that he's been telling me about for a decade now. But early on in our process, we decided we weren't going to plan this alone. So I am not, I'm not somebody who is head of the binders of the thing. So I wouldn't ever I said, I want a wedding planner, Fred actually seeked out a wedding planner, as soon as I said, Yeah, Europe's on the table, we can go there. So we seek out a wedding planner that that speaks Italian who's helping us with everything in between. And that is really helpful to me, but also to Fred is not your average groom, at least in the examples that I was given when I grew up. He's he's not the planning guy. He's I want to say that he's not this like big plans guy, but he has an opinion. And he wants his opinion heard when it comes to how we do this. So while I'm I may be in the small details, understand the deadlines, he will remind me when we're losing track of what we want the wedding to be. So he's the one that kind of keeps me grounded in a lot of ways. But he's also the artist. So he'll be like, something's not cool. Because like these things like that's his word of saying, he's out like, it's not cool means like, he thinks it's tacky, I've learned this process as well. But he's invested in the look the vibe, and also reminding me so one thing that I want to just kind of put this out there is that while he's going to have an opinion on the flowers, he's not going to care that much about the food. Just putting it out there, my fiance is could absolutely be on a diet of rotisserie chicken, salmon and pistachios like he would be, he could eat that every day and be fine. So thankfully, like, he's actually encouraged some of my foodie friends to help me make some wedding food decision just for the fact that it's helpful. So just understanding my planning partner is important. So he's there to make things elegant. He's there to keep me grounded from outside influences. In particular, a lot of people have a lot to say about what you've decided to do with your wedding. And he's writing like, didn't you say you wanted it this way? Or who said that we had to have all of these extra things. And I call my friends said this or my relatives said that it's essential that you have it this way. And he's like, I let's bring it back to the grounding. So giving you the grand context, I found my person, but wedding planning is a lot. That's a bit that's a short way to say this right? So let me tell you just because you are a good planner in life doesn't mean you need to plan your wedding. I should I want to put that out there. I can strongly say that nobody and I mean nobody wants to plan everything in their life. For all of you who are out there counting all the trips for everybody for all of you out there that are always thinking of all the details for somebody else. You You deserve to have some support. We all love to be treated to moments, we don't have to think that we don't have to think through every detail. Sometimes when I come in the house after a long day, and dinner's waiting, like that feeling of like, oh, I don't have to plan these things that happens with this wedding planner. So I want to put that out there as well. So, separately, I'm also going to be having a, a ceremony for my larger family, I have a really big, large family that I'm from, but they we couldn't get them all to Italy. So we're also essentially having two events, we're going to celebrate the wedding after we get back. So giving you the full picture, there's a lot happening in between all the things, imagine that to do lists of just both of these events and everything that's kind of like the working thoughts. It's its own business, if I really wanted to be serious about it here. So really understanding that this has his heart, and it's almost like a, I wouldn't say a bootcamp or a really, like a high pressure example of how can you live your lives and run your business, especially when you're an entrepreneur, this is something that we're talked about, we talked about all the time of thinking about, okay, how can I, how can I be able to enjoy my life, I got an I got into this running my own business, so I can choose my hours, so I can do the things. But then when you have this other piece of wedding planning of this other piece of in general event planning that can take a part of your life, you're gonna learn a lot about yourself, you're gonna learn about how can I get do both at the best that I can. So that's why I wanted to go into further detail simply to say, I had, I had to understand the strengths of the people I was planning with, I had to understand that I couldn't do it myself. And I also am just telling you that this is a big, big push, it's a big thing. So taking all of this, I want to just share what I've learned about myself what I've learned, and I'm hoping you're going to be able to take with you. So one of the top thing that I have absolutely learned about myself in this process is that I am a trusting and flexible person. Because I know that I'm going to get the things done at the pace that I can get them done. And sometimes that can cause guilt because somebody else would do it a little differently. So I have never been the binder bride I'm not the binder have exactly what I want the whole time. I like general I knew I wanted it to be really great to experience but I was I'm not I would haven't been planning my wedding all my life. It just wasn't. That's not who I am. Mostly because my biggest or what I really wanted to do is check off the person that I knew I had the person that I was going to be comfortable standing in front of a room with who understands me challenges me all of the things. So like it was always about whenever I thought about my wedding, about getting that biggest checkmark cross off going like okay person that I can spend the rest of my life with the wedding, the wedding will be representative of the two of us, that was always the most important thing. So what has come of this, though, is that, because I didn't really think about all the little details, I have numerous people reminding me that I should be further along than I than I am. You should have your wedding dress by now you should have your bail by now you should have your wedding bands by now you haven't booked deals fight that you have, like there's so much judgment around the way in which you plan your wedding. And I can even as I say this, I'm preparing myself for whenever the day comes, I decide to have children, it's going to be even more. But I have found a lot to be sad about. Like, I prefer to know that things are going to happen as they need. And even to as I say this, I'm not a completely lazy person. I'm not someone who's not getting things done. There's just this sense of I have had absolutely turn off voices and be like, I'm not speaking about that right now. Like I've had a lot of that feeling. In particular, one of the main things is that we didn't actually book our flights for our wedding until about a month or so ago. And it was because I was watching flight alerts all the whole time. So watching file alerts to Italy. And I hadn't so many people don't even haven't booked them yet. You haven't booked them yet. There was so much judgment that was coming around and I was feeling guilty like do it. Am I misunderstanding something? But then I, you know, I can look on the number of stamps I have on my passport and it was like, You know what, I I've done this before numerous times, I know that I'll get there when I need to. So one of the things is that I just learned that the way I do things can cause some people to absolutely lose their minds. Again, this is what like I said this wedding process has been interesting all of the above. But then I also realized that by by sticking to my guns that I have expanded, what this kind of process can be for others. So being able to ask At least say, Yeah, we booked our flights and we got them at this cost, the person who had booked them out like a year in advance was like, oh, there's different way to do this. And even to like, I found my dress at the pace that I needed to find my dress, and I had more than one place to go, I thought I would have to do that, like, I would have to go to 15 shops before I could even figure out what I want. And I'm like, I knew exactly what I wanted and talk to the shop. So until I went in, so there was, there's this process of understanding that any type of thing that you're planning in your life, whether it's business, whether it's, you know, your partnership, what your marriage is supposed to be like, but in this case, your wedding is that if you don't feel certain about who you are, you're going to have a lot of extra stress doesn't mean that even after that, it's going to feel a little bit funky. But I learned that I actually very flexible and trusting and I, in a lot of ways have been able to bring more of that into my business than than I had in the past going like, Wait, this works for me in this general arena of life, I get to bring it in this way as well. Really, truly though, I wouldn't say that wedding planning has been more about me stepping into this new identity. So aside from the decorations, and all the things I remember perfectly the day after I was proposed to and said yes, of course that I was like am I had this like running question in my head like am I fiance material I had that like this, am I worthy of being called a fiance? It had a lot to do with me feeling that I had a lot more left in my life. Like I had, like, Did I did I do all the wild and crazy things am I ready to like, like make this shift in this change moving into this person that I want it to be. And I think that there's a sense of, you know, women and how we feel and there was a sense of I wanted to look a certain way and be a certain way and feel as if I checked off a certain certain lessons in my life, before I became a fiance or wife. And I want to say that this was something that was really deep rooted, it was really hard for me to kind of just like walk past. But I decided because of this I opened a larger conversation with Fred about like, what does he see the title as fiance meaning or what does he see the title as wife? Meaning and in the long run? Like, am I going to become the caretaker of the house? There was so many things were like how, how does somebody, how's this person who decides decided that he agreed that we're going to be together like sees this thing. And he's like, it was so interesting for the fact that, again, I was putting these limits on myself of what that title was supposed to mean for me. But also deciding that like my quote unquote, life was over not in a mess that that sounds a little bit drastic, right. But like that I wasn't allowed to act like a single 20 year old or 30 year old or whatever the hell process it was supposed to be after the ring was on. So this has opened a lot of like discussions around what is it that we want to do with our lives and how we don't let the titles define us in a lot of ways. So taking this really close look at what like what in my life was serving me and what my life was what others expected of me, that was something that I learned a lot in this process of being able to say, you know, I want this to work for me, not by what my grandmother or what my third grade teacher would have told me what it meant to be a fiance, right what it meant to be a wife. So this is absolutely trickled into a lot of things in my business as well. I feel like especially in the past two years, it's been really about me going, You know what, that this, this thing never served me I actually, this makes sense for me that a lot of a lot of business decisions I've made, somebody else may not have made for the fact that, you know, there's other advice out there, but I wasn't intuitively and going off of my 14 years of experience of building brands was actually exhibiting within my own business. So there was a lot of me turning off other people's voices here and going like what do I see as myself and for many of you, if you've been listening to the podcast, you heard me start using the word creator CEO because I that's exactly the way I want to see myself. And that that got to that got to shift and change because I get to decide what my title is. And also adjusted the way I'm even like looking at my lifestyle, specifically around drinking. So I found that when I'm deciding what do i Where do I want to be in my life and this stage of where that I'm of where I'm at. I didn't want drinking to feel like peer pressure anymore. So I reduced it I'm not I'm not sober but I've reduced in a lot of ways just for the fact that I want to feel my best and a lot and I was realizing that a lot of my decisions around drinking were based off of what others wanted for me. So they're so being able to know that some of these some of this, like stage and these identity shifts are such a big deal within the wedding that it allowed me to really take a take a look at the way I was going into my life. Now I don't take this lightly. Like because I want to, I want you to understand like the identity or the responsibilities that are put on being a fiance being a wife being a bride is something that's hard grant, that's not something that I can just like release and break through like I like to overly planned bride that knows exactly what flowers she wants, like I that there was a guilt that I didn't have that exact idea right away, there was a guilt and, and the idea that I was like, Oh, I have to be this caregiver. And he looked at me like we've never talked about this, like you have to act like you're the runner, the run of the house and like, so I had all these ingrained pieces, I don't want to take it lightly. When I say I, I really had to, I really had to decide what made sense for me about those titles. But also, it just brought me back to realizing that I get to decide what fiance means I get to decide what co wife Best Friend means. Like I have that power. And we we think we don't, but truly, it's just taking a moment to come back to into that you realize that you are the source of everything you are creating even the titles, even the way you walk around, it's being able to come back and go in my voice is the most important. And this relationship that I'm in, I get to say this is what I see as what our partnership supposed to be. I feel like that was really important for me to share to feel I feel like a weight lifted off my chest gonna you know what I am fiance, material. It was I like it's such a big feeling. And I just want to I want to acknowledge that, you know, as you're moving through stages of life, and what at least from what I've learned is a continuation of knowing that you want to come back to yourself, you want to define what this next stage is supposed to feel like. Okay, two big things at the beginning what I learned about myself there, but whenever another thing that I learned within this process is that I my business was not set up for me not to be on every day, not at least not well enough for me to fully be prepared. So I have officially decided to tell you that energetics and solopreneur ship like they are they don't mix. So like when I say when I say this, I'm meaning that if you are showing up every day and trying to create content every single day, or trying to build a launch every single day, and you're like you're doing a lot of things off the cuff, a lot of messy action. And like I had like that being the only thing that you do. This business is not sustainable. It's simply not sustainable. For the fact that I ran people's brands and businesses and as somebody who worked with them, I knowing that we needed to be a little ready in advance, or we wanted to start the prep or the campaign for their business. And then I wasn't fully treating my business the same way. And what happened with this is that I kept getting dish, this kind of BS information from good coaches and from bad that are saying like, Oh, you don't need to be planned ahead or Oh, you don't need a system or you don't need a strategy. For some reason. And especially in the past three years, I have heard this strategy align the strategy means hustle. And it's it's such a such a bunch of bullshit like it really is for the fact that strategy is simply making a method that works best for you paying attention to how your clients react, or even how your energy has worked in the past and making something easier for you. So what ended up happening was that I kept feeling this high pressure to get everything done on a daily basis, instead of breaking it apart into what was actually sustainable for me. So on a regular basis, I I always have will have three health tasks, I need to do three business tasks. If I'm being nice to myself, usually that will be a little bit larger. And now two wedding tasks to complete on a daily basis. So if I decide that on a Monday, I want to hit all those all those tasks. And then I got to do that again tomorrow, Wednesday, Friday. i It's absolutely a trip to burnout. So being able to know that the more I could automate my systems, the more that I could ask for support was a big deal. And of course, you I don't think your any of you are going to be surprised by this batching batching was something that I had kind of lost sight of for a little while for the fact that I was posting and I was getting live. And I was putting things out there on a daily basis. But this idea that we are just that some people are meant to post in the moment and some people are meant to batch. I'm going to call bullshit. I'm just going to call it I am a manifesting generator and I can tell you that I use Do you have ideas I easily can put things together. But I but the concept of me believing that I'm going to be able to generate from beginning to end a piece of content every single day, is, has got to be the most unloving thing to do. And also, if we're talking about this in the grand scheme of things, the worst feeling when it comes to being a CEO, who also has things going on in their life, I would say, the biggest thing that came across from this is that I would feel guilty about something in my business. While I was like an event where people were hosting it for me, we'll get into this in a second, but how it's got to be one of the worst feelings when you're, like, literally a party for you. And and all you're thinking about is I didn't get that post up, or I didn't get that that content ready, I'm not going to buy businesses isn't going to work the way it's supposed to. Because I'm here, opening gifts on my bridal shower, it's the worst feeling. So being a CEO, or being a creator, CEO in your business, that meant for me to be to go back to his roots of going, how can I be nice to my future self now, because I know, the retort or the reaction I'm going to get here is that a lot of people like to cite feminine energy, when they're talking about posting in the moment, or inspiration to inspiration, like like launching without a strategy or doing all the things that like, do what you feel this feeling. And I'm not saying that's not true, that's not true at all, like, Absolutely, you're going to find the more that you take care of yourself, you're going to have that kind of energy, but feminine energy, just like masculine energy, if that's the only thing you're bringing into your business can be toxic as well. So being able to know create, I knew that being a creator CEO and meant that I wanted the inspiration, the power, the creativity, I wanted the space and have it be so spacious for me to promote and create the results for my for my clients and my business by the kind of offers I was putting out there. And by having easier processes, easier rituals, that masculine energy, right, I was able to do those things on a regular basis. So my systems in the past year have gotten to be so much easier, automated, where they can be and repeatable enough so that I haven't been haven't had to lead any high energy launches. To me my revenue goals, my last launch absolutely came from some easy lead gen systems. And I've got a, I've got a full client load right now, I was just realizing how much I want to just gift myself this ease. And that came from one, realizing I was been being fed some BS tactics that aren't gonna work for me long term, but also to finding that balance of being able to be spacious and creative, because my systems and my rituals allow me to do that. So let me get, let me get into this just a little bit more about why this is important. I am a bride this year, I'm a fiance, I get to do this. And I absolutely don't want to feel guilty. While I'm at a bridal shower, that I didn't do that real that I was supposed to do. Or I don't want to have to take my computer with me everywhere, just so I can make work on every any little increments of time. And I'm supposed to be getting quality with the people who are ready to celebrate me. I don't want to feel like everything has to be content either. Like I want to be able to turn on my camera and take a video and just be able to say like, this is what happened this day. And it gets to be a memory. So there's a sense that whenever you are trying to be on every day, that you can never turn off your business brain. So I get to be a business leader in one sense. And I also have given myself the space to be a bride and another space. And another way. So knowing that the guilt, I didn't want that guilt and allow I had to come back to what some people may call masculine energy. But ultimately, it was systems rituals, routines, and I know many of you listening to the podcast, have heard me talk about that a lot more this year. So the guilt of not showing up how I want to my business while I had a reason to be with my family has to be one of the top feelings. I never want to feel like I don't want to have that debate in my mind of what I should be doing in that moment. I want to be present. So the the gift of presence is what you give yourself by having these routines and rituals and then absolutely remembering those processes. So for me it had a lot to do with turning off some voices and turning up mine and being able to in general think about a relationship with my current self and gifting something to my future self that helped me a lot. Another piece within this is that you can do it anything,